#brave


There's a saying somewhere that being brave actually means you're scared witless but you're doing it anyway. By that logic, let's just call this the bravest time of my life. I seriously find myself wishing it was 10 years from now all the time. When I know what my career path looks like and I know what my home life looks like and I know who I am [dear god, I hope so] and my bank account has a consistent daily balance that is higher than $14.23.

Because this time of life, this "right now," this moment.... is really hard.

Knowledge of Self is shaky at best because, yes, I believe we should put our phones away and spend more face time with our loved ones, but no, I definitely still text / tweet / pin things on dinner dates and road trips. Yes, I want everyone in our country to have access to affordable, quality healthcare and no, I don't know what that looks like / the best way to implement it. Yes, I want to be in really really great shape but no, I'm not willing to give up tacos or beer for a six pack. 

And everywhere I look, people are all optimistic and excited and wishing they were still 26 and I'm over here in this messy, crazy, confusing world of car payments and Taylor Swift songs and entrepreneurship just trying to hold on tight enough to not get thrown off the ride.

Do people really remember what it's like to be 26?? You don't know anything yet. Like, nothing. Nada. All of those hours of core classes in undergrad? Those internships and relationships that seemed so important and taught you "so much??" These are just weird, blobby memories that kind of still make you cry sometimes but you like having them on your resume anyway.

I can say with certainty that I have never been more overwhelmed with just the things that make up day-to-day life than I have since I've been 26. And it's only been a few months!! Yeah, I've had times in my 20's with some heartbreaks and some life-altering decision making and experienced some homesickness and thought grad school would never end, but... uhh, that stuff is all good now. 

I'm home. I'm in love. I've got the degree. I'm setting out on a path. And I'm still confused as hell. At least puberty had a set of vocabulary words that made it seem at least normal, if not exactly a blast, to experience. Where are the guided comprehension questions at the end of this chapter?!

So, I don't know if this is supposed to be inspiring or gripey or emo or simply a string of consciousness, but it was what poured forth out of my heart this day. I watched a bunch of her talks today, and I love her and I loved it and I think she's on to something, and not just because she's done a ton of research and is really smart and such. What she says makes sense. I don't know.

Maybe, I suppose, it is supposed to be inspirational because, maybe, most likely, I'm not the only one to ever feel this way. And maybe, that's okay. And maybe, we're being prepared for something... something great. Yes?  Ms. Alcott would certainly seem to think so...


Pondering. Pondering.

xo
Sarah :: Your Plucky Picaroon

Sarah :: Plucky in Love

Sarah, aka "Plucky", blogs on the reg, unless she's on vacation or there's a Pretty Little Liars marathon or she's mulling over the implications of the phrase "on fleek." She can't live without iced coffee, a portable phone charger, or equal pay. Say hello!

2 comments:

  1. when you figure out how to feel settled and prepared on how to deal with this time in our lives, help a sister out, because i am feeling all these same feelings too

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  2. i think this is such a universal feeling of the 20s. where - WHERE?! - is the instruction manual? maybe we can write one. if we could somehow bottle the essence of 'how to get through your 20s,' i think we could be gazillionaires.

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