Insecure much?


I like being a grown-up most of the time. Discovering how many choices I have, how my life can be shaped by my choices, how capable I am of accomplishing things and going places and loving people.

I also really love that so many of the insecurities I struggled with in childhood and adolescence have melted away with all of the accomplishing of my early twenties.

These days, though, one fear still pervades into adulthood: the fear of looking like I'm trying to be smarter than I am. Worse: being wrong.

You know that gut-wrenching moment when you credit card is "declined" the first time you swipe it at the checkout and you look at the checkout lady in a panic and you're like, 

"There's money in there. I just filled up my gas tank with it. I've never had a problem with this card before. PROMISE!"?

 And she's looking at you like, "Uhhhh huh. That's what they all say."

That's the feeling I get when I'm wrong about something. Even when I meant well, even when I really thought I knew it, even when you swipe the card the second time and it works and your shoulders relax and all is well -- doesn't matter. In those moments of wrongness, I feel like I've tried to be smarter, better, more right than I actually am and that others have caught me.

I hold it against myself, the being wrong part. And I feel like it's happened a lot more often lately. I have a solution, but I know I'll be terrible at it.

I have to SHUT UP sometimes. Ask questions and listen to the answers. Refrain from giving the answers sometimes, even when I think I know them.

This is the trouble of a talker, writer, expresser -- we talk when we should listen, we say the wrong thing that much more often [simply because we talk that much more often]. 

So new motto for the month of June as well, to be added to other wellness goals:

Quick to hear. Slow to speak.

Hopefully, being better at intentionally listening, evaluating thoughts in my head first before speaking up, will put this particular insecurity to bed for good.

Wish me luck! [?]

xo
Sarah :: Your Plucky Picaroon

Sarah :: Plucky in Love

Sarah, aka "Plucky", blogs on the reg, unless she's on vacation or there's a Pretty Little Liars marathon or she's mulling over the implications of the phrase "on fleek." She can't live without iced coffee, a portable phone charger, or equal pay. Say hello!

3 comments:

  1. What a great motto! I think my problem is just the opposite. I need to speak up more, I'm just too dang quiet! But I know the feeling of totally being wrong and it shocking yourself! So embarrassing!

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    1. We should switch! I don't think anyone has ever mistaken me for quiet in my entire life... Glad to know quiet kids feel this way sometimes too!

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  2. Quick to hear, slow to speak. I think this is my husband's motto. But he only hears and doesn't listen. :) And then forgets later.

    Seriously, though, I think it is a great thing to try to remember and I will focus on that for this week. Thanks!

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