Eye of the Tiger[cat]







Recently, I asked my life coach / inspiration / cat, Ralph, to look into his crystal ball and tell me what happens next in life.

You think I'm kidding?

"The cat has a better grasp on things than I do at this point," says the girl who tipped the bottle a little too hard on Sunday night and spent 16 hours of Monday hungover, under blankets, and unconscious.

So trust me on this one. Ralph knows best.








A few of his predictions:


Ralph's first prediction indicated that I would soon find myself living in (though definitely NOT purchasing) a new home. His mystical forces could not pinpoint an address, if there were washer/dryer hookups, or how many bedrooms this home would have, but he predicted a new home anyway. "You see," he said with a twinkle in his cat eye, "I'm sick of living at your family's house with children grabbing my tail, no bed of my own, and a bunch of nature threatening to taint my urban upbringing at a moment's notice. Yes, a new home for all of us is definitely in the cards."

Some are skeptical, but then Ralph revealed a facet of my future that he could not know without some sort of metaphysical power inside him.






"You will have a new boss," he declared, heartily and with gusto. "It is written in the stars." In the very next breath, he explained that in the event the imminent new boss didn't work out, the gods had a back up plan for me.
"For," he went on to say, "Catnip is expense and Ralphie got needs." Aha! So there is logic in the way the universe decides to bless us with manna... It seems the process is entirely related to the  wants  needs of our pets! Other pet people know what I'm talking about here. For sure.

Ralph left our session with one final prediction, that first appeared in his crystal ball like so:






"Say WHAT?! Ralph. You better check that thing again. I'm not sure what worries me more. The fact that you're predicting my babies, or that they're so hairy and catty. NOOOOO!" she said in a calm, cool, collected voice, eerily serene despite the multiple exclamation points.

"Wait for it. Wait for it," came Ralph's reply. As the fuzzy, swirly mists inside the ball cleared, the foggy picture appeared more clearly. Tossing his paws into the air in the style of falmenco dancer finishing a vigorous number, he cried out, "Ole!"

The now clear image revealed the true prediction for the months ahead:






"No.babies. No.babies. No.babies," he chanted.

Ahhh. Now that's more like it. 

I'm not usually one to fall for a bunch of mystic, mumbo jumbo, but the signs are all there. Ralph is a cat, after all, and the Egyptians know what I mean by that. 

Sincerely,
A New Believer

xo
Sarah :: Your Plucky Picaroon



Sarah :: Plucky in Love

Sarah, aka "Plucky", blogs on the reg, unless she's on vacation or there's a Pretty Little Liars marathon or she's mulling over the implications of the phrase "on fleek." She can't live without iced coffee, a portable phone charger, or equal pay. Say hello!

2 comments:

  1. I knew my Nico Pico was talking to me. All of my life has been for him, I realize now. My condo? Nope- his condo. He's in it more than me. My parents bring him gifts EVERY week (7 fancy feast tuna appetizers and 2 bags of dairy treats).

    Our cats are wise. They let life just "be" and the universe yields to them.

    Maybe Nico needs to develop a love of caviar so I can get a raise at work.

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