Live in Harmony

As your average, everyday Midwestern girl, I've got some pretty strong moral upbringing under my belt. Swear words were a big no-no [even fart. yeah. 2nd grade me got her mouth washed out for saying 'fart.']. Having one beer meant you were drunk....and an alcoholic. Sex before marriage was the unforgivable sin....and you always got pregnant if you were so unlucky as to fornicate. Not only was church every Sunday morning required, but skipping a Wednesday night service ranked right up there on the Morally-Loose-o-Meter with lying and hanging out in bars.

Skip ahead 10 years. 

To say I'm having internal battles and an identity crisis is an understatement.

You see, I love: classic literature. inspirational quotes. a great cup of java. learning new things. traveling all over the world. having great friends. trying to be a great friend. feeling brave and adventurous. having a Masters and knowing I can contribute something to this world in a big way. sharing cuddles and love with my boyfriend. being able to comfort or reassure those in my life when they're struggling. being looked up to or admired or respected. people thinking I've got my life together.

If you read MacKensie G.'s blog, you may see where this is headed. She posted about her own alter ego not so long ago. The difference is, while she's adorable and fun and awesome, my alter ego has not been so quickly or easily embraced.
You see, my alter ego: swears like a sailor. drinks like a fish. thinks flashing people is an incredibly fun game that we should play more often. might tell dead baby jokes on occasion. embarrasses herself way too regularly. calls in sick when she's really just hungover. is raunchy. has no filter. uses her body as a tool or a weapon or a prize, depending on the situation. never makes it to church on Sunday or Wednesday or ever. and [most likely as a survival mechanism] doesn't remember any of it in the morning.

Seems fun and cutesy and you're probably reading this thinking, "Uhh, Sarah? What's the problem here? You sound like an average American 20-something who's got her life together and still likes to party. Are you really whining about this??"

I hear you, people!! It's just..... when I reappear and the alter ego is gone, I feel terrible. I recount her shenanigans [those I can remember, anyway] and cringe, cry, feel guilty and awful,  and kind of wish somebody would wash my mouth out with soap again. 

I swear off drinking. [again]

And then the cycle repeats itself in a week or two. 

The only thing that makes me feel better is to hear a story or two about a time or two someone was way more embarrassing than my alter ego managed to accomplish this time around. So.... friends, how about it?

Shoot me an email, send me a text, leave a comment, etc. I need to know I'm not alone, okay? That you wonderful people act like fools and are ready to compete with New Orleans strippers via text message for your boyfriend's friends while they're away on a bachelor party weekend.... Or something like that. Not that that would ever actually happen.... Just to give you an idea of what I'm looking for, is all....

From self-induced Time Out Corner,
xo
Sarah :: Your Plucky Picaroon

Sarah :: Plucky in Love

Sarah, aka "Plucky", blogs on the reg, unless she's on vacation or there's a Pretty Little Liars marathon or she's mulling over the implications of the phrase "on fleek." She can't live without iced coffee, a portable phone charger, or equal pay. Say hello!

6 comments:

  1. LADY - story of my damn life.
    except i'm sworn off giving a shit about it and just embracing the lunatic that i am.

    let's do so together.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I feel you.
      I need to get rid of the booze or get rid of the shame.
      I think we both know where this is headed...

      Delete
  2. Here's what I've been learning the past couple years-- morals are a personal thing. I can't make decisions because I'm worried about what my parents think or the Church thinks, etc.. I have to make them because I think it's the right thing to do. Do what you know in your heart is right. Do I still mess up? Heck yes. Then, I apologize and try to make amends, try not to do it again, and move on. Don't worry about being "a good girl" worry about being a "good person." Does that make sense?

    On a side note-- I've also learned that getting drunk at a bar every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday was fun when I was 22 and in college. 25 (almost 26! ahh!)-- not so much. Now, I get tipsy off two drinks at home on a Saturday night and fall asleep while Adam plays video games :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What I'm hearing is, I need to figure out what I'm comfortable with and stick with it. That makes sense. It's just the figuring out part that's a little hazy... :)

      Delete
    2. I think you're already in the right direction :-) Just don't let guilt or fear decide. Maybe we should ask ourselves "Why do I feel bad about what I did?" If it's because someone would be disappointed that you aren't perfect, F it. But, if it's because it was harmful or hurtful, then that's a different story.

      Delete
  3. Oh boy! Don't we all feel this way! I hit this crisis a bit earlier than you, but I am definitely 100% understanding. I grew up in an interesting mix of churchy friends and normal everybody else. I went to a liberal town for college and feel super pulled in both directions. What ended up helping me clear a lot of it out was to withdraw from the things that put me into overload and spend some time with myself and in places that I knew felt "right". I have to say that while I still struggle from time to time, I am feeling a lot more tuned in to who I am. I think you are so brave for this post! I ended up falling in between the two lifestyles. I got my degree, got married young, withdrew from situations where I felt judged and uncomfortable. I made my decisions by what I felt in my heart. Christian friends might judge me for not waiting until marriage, liberal friends might judge me for getting married at 21. But I feel great about all of those decisions because I know they were right for me. I have to say, it's taken a while to get here.. and I am still learning and growing.. and messing up... but letting yourself be is a big part of figuring out what you want in your life! And it never ends, because life just keeps on changing. But I am hoping if I continue this attitude of finding what I need, then I can continue to get happier and happier with my life and choices as they change. Good luck and feel free to let me know how your journey goes! :) - Alexandra www.simplyalexandramyfavoritethings.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete