Slow Down. You Move Too Fast.

Joke's on me, I think. I was all pumped up to submit my final papers and then relax for a couple of weeks until we leave for Europe. Ha!
My brain is zipping around 10,000 places at once. If you recall, I made a note to myself to "be silent be still" yesterday. As a part of that effort, I drove to work with no radio in the car this morning. Just me, myself, and I cruising through morning rush hour to the office.
In a matter of about 30 seconds I had worried about

{::}my grades
{::}Europe planning
{::}money
{::}the convo I had last night w/ my roomie and what I might have said better/nicer/more clearly
{::}how she's feeling about that convo today
{::}my boss, who was taken to the hospital this week, and whether he's doing okay
{::}the fact that I was probably going to be late for work
{::}money

Maybe I was being silent, but I certainly missed the boat with the still aspect of all this.
Then, I got really existential and yogi-fied and very deliberately placed myself in the moment.

I repeated to myself over and over, [in my head, I'm not completely nuts]
"I am driving my car to work." That was it. I was not talking with my roommate or scheduling Europe plans or sitting at the hospital with my boss. Physically, I was in one place doing one thing. That's where I needed to be in every other --ally way. [mentally, spiritually, emotionally, etc] Wholly. Completely. 
The other things are certainly important and deserve attention. However, I can't help my boss by worrying myself sick. I can't change the way a professor will grade my paper after I've submitted it. I can't change the words I have already said to my roommate. 
This was simultaneously relieving and terrifying. Relinquish control? Not try to orchestrate my desired outcome? Cut myself some slack? Just [heaven forbid] let it go? 
I went from overwhelmed by everything to overwhelmed by the nothingness of it all. If I start letting things go and not worrying about it, doesn't that mean I don't care? That it's not important to me? That I wasted my time with it in the first place?
Aaaah! 
Stay with me though. I'm working through it and I've decided that my efforts are not worthless. I don't believe that for a second. My worrying, however, is completely and utterly ineffective. It does nothing but cause stress, high blood pressure, and drama. 
In light of that realization, I am trying to live very deliberately in the moment today. 
Right now, I am writing a blog post.

If I want to ever become still, I think I'll need to try this for a while. It's really hard. It's also really refreshing. If I give my full attention to the particular situation or task at hand, then I can certainly handle one thing at a time. I mean, I've been juggling 10 at a time, so one is a piece of cake, right?

Please be thinking of my boss and his health, my conflict resolution skills, and perhaps start asking a genie for money to fall from the sky before I leave for Europe.


Thank you, dear readers, for sticking with me through the cray-cray. 
The support is baller and greatly appreciated. 
I hope you are enjoying this lovely May day.


xoxo
Sarah

Sarah :: Plucky in Love

Sarah, aka "Plucky", blogs on the reg, unless she's on vacation or there's a Pretty Little Liars marathon or she's mulling over the implications of the phrase "on fleek." She can't live without iced coffee, a portable phone charger, or equal pay. Say hello!

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