On the Verge

You know the feeling when you're on the verge of something? And that something has the potential to be great? That, at any moment, the moment is just around the corner, waiting to happen?

I'm not feeling anything like that.

   School is wearing me out. To be in class is one thing, all of the assignments and papers and tests are another, and on top of that, my classmates expect me to come out and be social with them? Don't they know how necessary sleep is? Like, vital, man.
   I'm also in the throes of agony in my roommate search. A few potentials, but everything is up in the air. I really need to find one, but I don't want to pick just anybody, but I simply can't afford to live alone... So, it's stressful to say the least.
   At work, we are swamped with school tours. I enjoy them. I like kids. I like showing them cool "new" things in this old Victorian house. But we've had something like 100 kids a day through here this week, and next week is more of the same. For a small house museum, that is a gigantic number.
   We're not even going to touch my emotional state with a 39 and a half foot pole. Just know that... well, I've been more stable.
   My family is pressuring me to visit them all the time now. Never should have mentioned the beer thing, I suppose. I love them dearly. I wish gas wasn't so expensive and that I didn't owe my soul to my classes right now, or I would love to visit with them. There's just such a desperation in their invites -- I don't like the fact that they're all worried about me. Not good.

   There are some philosophies that say that these are the times of biggest growth, that people come out of challenging places ahead -- better people.
   Perhaps this is my first real initiation into adulthood, but I've never felt quite like this before: adrift in a sea of possibilities but unable to pull up the anchor and enjoy some of it. Not to cheesily quote Sara Bareilles, but "this is no broken heart, no familiar scar; this territory goes uncharted."

There's another quote that I like a lot. Hold on one second while attempt to find it. brb.
...
...
Found it!
I like living. I have sometimes been
wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable,
racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know
quite certainly that just to be alive
is a grand thing.
~ Agatha Christie

I also like,
Anyone can carry his burden, however hard, until nightfall.
Anyone can do his work, however hard, for one day.
Anyone can live sweetly, patiently, lovingly, purely, till the sun goes down.
And this is all life really means. ~ Robert Louis Stevenson

   Out of wreckage comes beauty. I'm thankful that my wreckage is of the mild variety. And as much as I would like to not be wrecked, I know it only means that I'm here, giving it all I've got, mourning losses and celebrating victories, and really living.
   At least, I hope that's what it means.
I can't resist. Two more quotes. Then, I shall retire from this post.

Life is easier than you'd think;
all that is necessary is to accept the impossible,
do without the indespinsable, and bear the intolerable.
~ Kathleen Norris

When we remember we are all mad,
the mysteries disappear
and life stands explained.
~ Mark Twain

Sarah :: Plucky in Love

Sarah, aka "Plucky", blogs on the reg, unless she's on vacation or there's a Pretty Little Liars marathon or she's mulling over the implications of the phrase "on fleek." She can't live without iced coffee, a portable phone charger, or equal pay. Say hello!

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