So Much Time Spent Thinking Thoughts... Ugh

I just got home from the Jason Aldean concert and it was fun!
Well, mostly.
Waiting in line to park for over an hour was a bit frustrating... And actually trying to find people once I got there. And then waiting another half hour in line to pee in a porta-potty. -- Actually, that turned out kind of funny. The girl behind me in line had obviously been drinking for a while, and she's apparently a bit Type A Anal Retentive. First, she makes me promise to go ahead of the boys who tried to line jump us... then she confronts them about it anyway, and agrees to not make a scene about their cutting in line if they let her go ahead of them.
Then, it's taking people years to pee. Literally. That's not even exaggeration. I'm 35 now, that's how long we had to wait. When we get almost to the front of the line, Ms. Thing behind me makes a pact. She will pee in the urinal and let me pee on the porta-john if we go in together... as long as I'm not too shy about it or anything, she assures me.
Needless to say, we bonded. All the guys in line behind us seemed to think we were having hot, lesbian adventures in the porta-potty for the 12 seconds it took us to pee, and the day was saved.


Anywho.

I finally find my people. These are girls who were two of my very best friends a year ago.
Time has changed that somewhat. Time, and experiences, and responsibilities, and such.

I can easily say that I'm not nearly as close to either of them as I once was, and I acknowledge that I take an equal part in that growing apartness.

The only thing is...
(and it's possible I was being hypersensitive, crazy, girl-brained, etc.)
but the thing is, tonight when I met up with those girls, I got the sensation that my company was something to be born. As in, they'd maybe have preferred if I hadn't come at all, but they put up with me since we had made the plan originally.

Now, in their defence, I've been incredibly moody with the two of them lately, and a few of our most recent encounters have included some element of me overreacting to some perceived slight or other, and acting like (shall we say?) a brat.

As a service to them, and as a commitment to myself to NOT be such a brat, I've accepted a bit of distance between us... to give them a break from my ish and to keep myself from acting that way.

It's funny, you know? I don't seem to have these problems in most people's company. But the last few times we've all hung out, I feel incredibly frustrated, or insecure, or jealous of their apparent closeness of friendship and reacted in very immature, pettish ways. Nowhere else in my life currently do I feel like this is an issue. At least, not to this extent.

So, anyway.

I'm fairly certain that, at one point, one of the girls actually "grinned and bear-ed it" that she had been left alone with me. Again, my imagination can work up any number of illusory crimes and slights, but I'm not certain that was the case here.

Now I find myself at an interesting place.

I value these people. They were friends to me at a time when I literally didn't have anyone else. We grew together, and shared some pretty critical life moments. And now...

Now, we are more like acquaintances. And I at least thought we were friendly acquaintances, but it seems I may be on the wrong page.

So, my action plan is to probably back off more in terms of giving them space, with regards to the aforementioned brattiness and bringing out of my poor character qualities in their company. I do enjoy both of them, and I'll strive to be more pleasant and enjoyable for them so that we can hopefully retain at least that part of the friendship.

I don't blame them for the distancing, and I'm not entirely certain that I blame myself. I recognize that I have indeed changed a lot in the past couple of years. It makes sense that the people and types of friendships I have will change too. And I hope that they are also changing. That would be the most terrible thing - to be stuck in one vein and never change, grow, expose yourself, act foolish but learn from it.

"All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another." 
~Anatole France

While I don't long for this change, and I wish that we could somehow carry on as we did before, I see that it's unlikely that will ever happen. One thing about time - it only moves in one direction, forward. I am interested to see how the relationships between us unfold.

Whether they know if or not, I am learning from these current experiences with them as well. Perhaps this is another very important aspect of friendships... Somehow growing apart so that you can grow.

...

That's enough rant.
Time for bed.
5oo Festival Children's Day tomorrow!

Sarah :: Plucky in Love

Sarah, aka "Plucky", blogs on the reg, unless she's on vacation or there's a Pretty Little Liars marathon or she's mulling over the implications of the phrase "on fleek." She can't live without iced coffee, a portable phone charger, or equal pay. Say hello!

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