Reality Check

One of the girls I work with graduated a year ahead of me at Purdue. She's been dating this guy Andy since April of last year. Yesterday, people were teasing her about "getting some bling on vacation," since they're taking a trip this summer. She acted appalled. She then proceeded to tell us that they are taking things slow, so marriage isn't quite on the radar yet but he did ask her if she wants to move in with him when her lease is up this fall.... which she is considering. "I mean," she said, "It's been a year. I know he's the one I'm going to be with forever, but we're not in any rush, so whenever it happens, it happens. It's only been a year."

I almost had a heart attack on the spot.

Call it "Daddy Issues" from my childhood or commitment phobia or Independent-itis, but Whoa. She has kept me updated about the milestones in their relationship through out the past year, and I thought she and I were on a similar page, but.... the words she was saying did not mesh with what I'm thinking and/or feeling at this age.

So I got to thinking about what it means to "share your life" with someone. Basically, you just eat, and sleep, and clean house, and take showers, and poop, and have periods, and brush your teeth, and go to work. I like the having meals together aspect, and having someone to share particular moments - holidays, accomplishments, birthdays, weddings, etc. Dates are fun. And snuggling is a bonus.

But that other stuff? It's mine.

Cleaning house and taking naps and working on the patio... I'll have to share those things?
My trips to the library or working out or catching up with an old friend... I'd have to run my schedule past somebody?
What about the traveling I will do someday soon? Or deciding what my next step will be after grad school? Or moving to a new city? or state? or continent? What about when I want to be alone? Deciding to get another teddy bear hamster or not (RIP Ben Matlock)? Getting a new job or taking the promotion which makes me work longer hours or quitting because I'm unhappy there? All of these things become ours?

I'm not really sure how I feel about that.

I've never considered myself overly independent and I've always idealistically liked the thought of "sharing my life" with someone someday (someday being the key word).
But right now?
That's asking quite a bit, don't you think?

Because not only would my things become his, his things become mine. Rather than cutting life's craziness in half, it's doubled. Two families with gatherings and traditions to consider. Two people stocking the fridge full of their preferred foods. Two cars that could break down, two jobs that may be lost, two .... of everything!

My chest is tight with anxiety just thinking about it.

In any case, good luck to my friend and her year-long romance that sounds like it's soon to become a lifelong (or until divorce) endeavor.

I'm pretty excited about NOT having it all figured out just yet, because if I had settled on that conclusion at this juncture, I think I'd have to head for the hills. O.o

Sarah :: Plucky in Love

Sarah, aka "Plucky", blogs on the reg, unless she's on vacation or there's a Pretty Little Liars marathon or she's mulling over the implications of the phrase "on fleek." She can't live without iced coffee, a portable phone charger, or equal pay. Say hello!

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